Boundaries

This is an often asked question, "what is okay for me to do or for me to hang out with once I get married?" This is a valid question that requires you and your husband to talk and agree about. I know many couples who join Facebook accounts. I think this is great way that really shows that you two are united and that you share everything together. My husband and I do not have joint accounts but he is not much of a Facebooker and I am not so much either any more but we share with each other all the time when we see something funny or someone commented this on my post. We still include each other in our posts and our messages. The only secret you should ever keep from your spouse is there surprise party or Christmas presents. Facebook is a great way to connect with others and how awesome is it that you can have your spouse be with you as you reconnect. If there is a reason you do not want to tell your spouse about the person you are messaging think to yourself why and would you want your spouse to do the same thing. There has been an increase in Facebook infidelities, when people reconnect with old crushes and boy/girlfriends and then leave their families. I am not saying you cannot have a friendly conversation with old friends, but if you do include your spouse in the conversation and be honest with your spouse. Tell them about the person, you history with them and then ask if they are comfortable. If an old guy friend started messaging me I would show my husband what he is saying and how i am responding. I have nothing to hide. It is best to avoid the temptation and conflict completely, this is why I can see joint Facebook accounts being so nice. Right when you get married you are saying everything I do my spouse knows about it. This is not about a lack of trust, as much as my husband may trusts me he does not trust the guy messaging me and he does not know what his intentions may be. In situations where you do have a close friend that is the opposite sex you must remember your spouse should be your BESTEST friend. To those single people who are worried about losing their best friend when they get married, do not think of it as losing a friend but gaining a new one! Your spouse should be the person you confide in and never talk negatively about him to any of your girl or guy friends, or mothers. Lady's, I don't know aout you but I know I would tell my mom everything. She was the person I could talk to about anything, relationships, school, religion. And I still talk to my mom about so much stuff, but I do not talk to her about marital conflict. I know my mom would always pick my side and I never want her to have a reason to feel negative towards my husband. Often times we tend to talk only about what is troubling, we rarely call back and tell them the solution and how super in love we are with our husband. Something I really appreciated from my mother in law was that she told us to never come to her about an argument. We are both her children now and she will not pick sides. What is troubling you two is up to you two to fix. This helps us work and problem solve together and figure things out as a couple. Each marriage is unique and going to other couples will not always benefit your marriage, what works for one may not work for the other. You two are in this thing together and communicating and being honest with each other will help you make and stay within your boundaries.

Lets talk about sex

I know this is a topic most people find awkward, or gross, or dirty but it shouldn't be. Yes sex is intimate and sacred, that does not mean it should be a secret or a bad thing. It is a beautiful and holy act that many people may not know much about. I will begin with saying men and women are different, although they both must go through the 4 phases of sex to be fulfilled. Those phases are excitement, plateau, orgasm(climax) and resolution. Men go through these phases faster than women, that does not mean it is more pleasing to men than women. Women enjoy sex just as much as men, sometimes more, crazy right?!?! Women need to warm up and kind of get into their sexy character, you must remember women take on many roles during a day, the mother, the good house wife, the soccer mom, and the sexy bride. Men listen to your wife as she talks about the day, this is how she rids of all the stress and worries from all the roles she had played throughout the day. She cannot jump right into it like you men, our brains are thinking about so many things at once, whereas men are much better at focusing at one thing at a time. Also men take note first, in order for women to enjoy sex she must feel safe and loved. Let me tell you about the love cycle. I will begin with women. Women need to feel loved before they can enjoy sex. How does she feel loved, well each women is different and has a different love language. I recommend taking the 5 love language quiz in order to figure out your and your partner's love language. An examples is quality time. Listen to her and spend time with her in order to bond and know each other. Another example is service. Doing the dishes or folding the laundry can really go along way. Once a women's love tank is full she will be willing to express her love for you by having sex. When men have sex they feel loved and then will want to return showing love by doing things for her. It is a beautiful cycle of showing and feeling love. See, this sex talk wasn't so bad. I think people stress too much on the actual act when really we should be focusing on what leads to the act and how it can be more fulfilling. Sex was not only meant for making babies, but also to express love for each other. Sex is a great tool to unite a husband and wife and help them become as ONE!

Proposals & Weddings

He's popped the question and now you're planning the wedding that you have dreamed about since you were 10! Today everyone wants the biggest ring, biggest proposal with millions of views, and the biggest wedding that people talk about for ever. But are these things overshadowing what really matters. A ring is a symbol of you love and commitment to each other not just a piece of jewelry you show off to your friends and family. The proposal may be great to have on video but does it take away the privacy, and intimacy of the moment. If the proposal is so public does it pressure her into saying yes or does she sincerely mean it and does he sincerely mean it or does he want to show off how clever and romantic he is. I adore the way my husband proposed to me. It was just me, him and a beautiful view when he got down on one knee and surprised me with the ring. It was a special and genuine moment we shared together. Three was no outsiders influencing him to ask the question or how I should answer. Our wedding was also very cheap, simple, and beautiful. Family and friends helped with food, photos, decoration, the cakes. No matter how nice the reception was nothing could compare to where we got married and were sealed for all eternity, which was also free ;). The most important thing should be the union between a man and women becoming husband and wife because in 1, 5, 10 years people aren't going to remember every detail of the wedding, but they will remember your marriage. They won't remember your colors, but they will remember how beautiful a couple you two make. Weddings are fun events, but the funest part is being married to the person you love.

Dating

What is the purpose of dating? The purpose to date is to develop sorting, selecting, and social skills. Today we see less dating and more hanging out, is there a difference between dating and hanging out? I think so. Hanging out is more casual, no one is paired off, there is no set thing to do, and there is no commitment necessary. A date is intentional, planned out, thoughtful, and you are paired off, and paid for. We may be developing the same skills by hanging out, like social skills, but how can we learn our preference of the type we would like to date if we never go on dates with a variety of different people. High school is the, and best time to date around with many people and get a feel of what you like, dislike, turns you on, turns you off, and the qualities you would like in your future spouse. High school is not the time to date exclusively because you are not looking for someone to marry but looking for characteristics you want the person you will marry to have and not have. Dating prepares men for when they become husbands and wives can see if the guy they are dating has the skills to be good husband and father. How??? Well 3 things men are excepted to do in the home are Preside, Protect, and Provide. And when a guy goes on a date he Planned, Paired off, and he Paid for it, he is showing he can preside, protect, and provide. Planning is like presiding because he is showing he is organized and has leadership skills. Pairing off shows he can protect because we are his date for the night and he is responsible to take care of us and bring us home safely. Paying for the date whether with money, or time shows he can provide because he is using his resources to accommodate for the date. Dating is purposeful and beneficial for both people on the date.

POWER OF LABELS

The greatest blessing we were given was agency. We chose what to do, what to wear, who to marry. We each have our own personality and temperament but we are not born LGBT2. It is the environment we are in that affects who we are attracted to. Growing up it is important to be accepted by our peers. Usually in elementary school girls hang out with girls and boys hang out with boys. Well what if a boy was born and has a more nurturing, caring, and calmer disposition and so the rest of the boys reject him because he isn't crazy and dirty. The boy then hangs out with the girls who play to his style. This does not make him a girl. Boys can still be boys if they act a little feminine. And girls are still girls even if they act like tomboys. In adolescent year girls becomes attracted to boys because they are exotic and different. This is when the boy who hangs out with the girls begins to feel confused. The ones who rejected him are have an exotic feel and he becomes interested in them. This does not mean he is physically attracted to them in any way. When children then start to label the boy as gay, even if he isn't, girls won't date him because they heard he was gay and the guys will especially not hang out with him. So who accepts this boy? The gays accept him and hang out with him and make him feel like he belongs. He may learn to be happy being gay, but he will never be as happy as he could be if the boys accepted him and people didn't label him just by what he likes. How many women want a husband who is caring, sympathetic, communicates well, is in touch with his emotions, and is nurturing. Yet he is automatically label him as gay because these are feminine attributes. We are losing applicants of who could be amazing husbands and fathers. Labels are very effective and can influence a person how they look at themselves. If you are labeled as the ugly fat girl, even if you aren't, sooner or latter you will become, or see yourself as ugly and fat because it seems no matter what that is what you are now. Same can go the opposite way. If you are known as the beautiful girl you believe that is what you are and you always have to look perfect with your hair and make up, because if you aren't beautiful than who are you? We shape into our labels. We should not call people the gay one, smart one, or ugly one because that is what they will be known for and who they will become, not because they were born that way but because we labeled them that way. We should accept everyone for who they are and look/admire all the great qualities they have and guide them to become who they really are, not what we think they are.

FAMILY STATUS

Does the definition of the family change according to their social status or culture. Robert and Jeanette Laurer define marriage as "a group united by marriage of cohabitation, blood, and/or adoption in order to satisfy intimacy needs and/or bear and socialize children." (Marriage & Family 8th edition). Although the definition of family doesn't change each family member is affected by the family's socioeconomic status. This status is based off of the family's culture, money, lineage, job, or where they live or are from. No matter where we grow up we can overcome the stereotypes and labels and be good citizens who contribute to society or improve our socioeconomic status for a better life for our future family. There may be no best socioeconomic status for our children, it is all about how the parents raise them to be good people. We all have the right to pursue happiness. No matter our status or labels placed upon us, we can become who we want to become. It doesn't matter where we are from, it's all about what we gained/learned from it and what we are going to do with that knowledge. We all come from different families, but we all have the same amount of worth. I AM NO BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE AND NOBODY IS BETTER THAN ME!

Family Solar System

I know many parents, especially mothers, believe that your children should come first but reality is your spouse should be the one who comes first. It is important to pay attention and spend time with your children but it must be balanced with spending just as much alone time with your spouse. Doherty says in his book Take Back Your Marriage, "I know we did one thing well: we taught our children that we valued our marriage without devaluing them, that more for us meant more for them, that we were mates before we were parents, and that in the solar system of our family, our marriage was the sun and the children the planets, rather than the other way around." When children see their parents together and going on dates that makes them feel safe. Children want to know that their parents relationship is secure. Of course your children will beg for your attention all the time and parents should not neglect them, but parents can not neglect their spouse either. We all deserve time and affection not only from our children but from our spouse as well.