Proposals & Weddings

He's popped the question and now you're planning the wedding that you have dreamed about since you were 10! Today everyone wants the biggest ring, biggest proposal with millions of views, and the biggest wedding that people talk about for ever. But are these things overshadowing what really matters. A ring is a symbol of you love and commitment to each other not just a piece of jewelry you show off to your friends and family. The proposal may be great to have on video but does it take away the privacy, and intimacy of the moment. If the proposal is so public does it pressure her into saying yes or does she sincerely mean it and does he sincerely mean it or does he want to show off how clever and romantic he is. I adore the way my husband proposed to me. It was just me, him and a beautiful view when he got down on one knee and surprised me with the ring. It was a special and genuine moment we shared together. Three was no outsiders influencing him to ask the question or how I should answer. Our wedding was also very cheap, simple, and beautiful. Family and friends helped with food, photos, decoration, the cakes. No matter how nice the reception was nothing could compare to where we got married and were sealed for all eternity, which was also free ;). The most important thing should be the union between a man and women becoming husband and wife because in 1, 5, 10 years people aren't going to remember every detail of the wedding, but they will remember your marriage. They won't remember your colors, but they will remember how beautiful a couple you two make. Weddings are fun events, but the funest part is being married to the person you love.

Dating

What is the purpose of dating? The purpose to date is to develop sorting, selecting, and social skills. Today we see less dating and more hanging out, is there a difference between dating and hanging out? I think so. Hanging out is more casual, no one is paired off, there is no set thing to do, and there is no commitment necessary. A date is intentional, planned out, thoughtful, and you are paired off, and paid for. We may be developing the same skills by hanging out, like social skills, but how can we learn our preference of the type we would like to date if we never go on dates with a variety of different people. High school is the, and best time to date around with many people and get a feel of what you like, dislike, turns you on, turns you off, and the qualities you would like in your future spouse. High school is not the time to date exclusively because you are not looking for someone to marry but looking for characteristics you want the person you will marry to have and not have. Dating prepares men for when they become husbands and wives can see if the guy they are dating has the skills to be good husband and father. How??? Well 3 things men are excepted to do in the home are Preside, Protect, and Provide. And when a guy goes on a date he Planned, Paired off, and he Paid for it, he is showing he can preside, protect, and provide. Planning is like presiding because he is showing he is organized and has leadership skills. Pairing off shows he can protect because we are his date for the night and he is responsible to take care of us and bring us home safely. Paying for the date whether with money, or time shows he can provide because he is using his resources to accommodate for the date. Dating is purposeful and beneficial for both people on the date.

POWER OF LABELS

The greatest blessing we were given was agency. We chose what to do, what to wear, who to marry. We each have our own personality and temperament but we are not born LGBT2. It is the environment we are in that affects who we are attracted to. Growing up it is important to be accepted by our peers. Usually in elementary school girls hang out with girls and boys hang out with boys. Well what if a boy was born and has a more nurturing, caring, and calmer disposition and so the rest of the boys reject him because he isn't crazy and dirty. The boy then hangs out with the girls who play to his style. This does not make him a girl. Boys can still be boys if they act a little feminine. And girls are still girls even if they act like tomboys. In adolescent year girls becomes attracted to boys because they are exotic and different. This is when the boy who hangs out with the girls begins to feel confused. The ones who rejected him are have an exotic feel and he becomes interested in them. This does not mean he is physically attracted to them in any way. When children then start to label the boy as gay, even if he isn't, girls won't date him because they heard he was gay and the guys will especially not hang out with him. So who accepts this boy? The gays accept him and hang out with him and make him feel like he belongs. He may learn to be happy being gay, but he will never be as happy as he could be if the boys accepted him and people didn't label him just by what he likes. How many women want a husband who is caring, sympathetic, communicates well, is in touch with his emotions, and is nurturing. Yet he is automatically label him as gay because these are feminine attributes. We are losing applicants of who could be amazing husbands and fathers. Labels are very effective and can influence a person how they look at themselves. If you are labeled as the ugly fat girl, even if you aren't, sooner or latter you will become, or see yourself as ugly and fat because it seems no matter what that is what you are now. Same can go the opposite way. If you are known as the beautiful girl you believe that is what you are and you always have to look perfect with your hair and make up, because if you aren't beautiful than who are you? We shape into our labels. We should not call people the gay one, smart one, or ugly one because that is what they will be known for and who they will become, not because they were born that way but because we labeled them that way. We should accept everyone for who they are and look/admire all the great qualities they have and guide them to become who they really are, not what we think they are.

FAMILY STATUS

Does the definition of the family change according to their social status or culture. Robert and Jeanette Laurer define marriage as "a group united by marriage of cohabitation, blood, and/or adoption in order to satisfy intimacy needs and/or bear and socialize children." (Marriage & Family 8th edition). Although the definition of family doesn't change each family member is affected by the family's socioeconomic status. This status is based off of the family's culture, money, lineage, job, or where they live or are from. No matter where we grow up we can overcome the stereotypes and labels and be good citizens who contribute to society or improve our socioeconomic status for a better life for our future family. There may be no best socioeconomic status for our children, it is all about how the parents raise them to be good people. We all have the right to pursue happiness. No matter our status or labels placed upon us, we can become who we want to become. It doesn't matter where we are from, it's all about what we gained/learned from it and what we are going to do with that knowledge. We all come from different families, but we all have the same amount of worth. I AM NO BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE AND NOBODY IS BETTER THAN ME!

Family Solar System

I know many parents, especially mothers, believe that your children should come first but reality is your spouse should be the one who comes first. It is important to pay attention and spend time with your children but it must be balanced with spending just as much alone time with your spouse. Doherty says in his book Take Back Your Marriage, "I know we did one thing well: we taught our children that we valued our marriage without devaluing them, that more for us meant more for them, that we were mates before we were parents, and that in the solar system of our family, our marriage was the sun and the children the planets, rather than the other way around." When children see their parents together and going on dates that makes them feel safe. Children want to know that their parents relationship is secure. Of course your children will beg for your attention all the time and parents should not neglect them, but parents can not neglect their spouse either. We all deserve time and affection not only from our children but from our spouse as well.

RAM

The five different Bonding techniques in romantic relationships. 1)Knowledge. Knowing your partner. 2)Trust. Trust your partner. 3)Reliance. You can rely on them. 4)Commitment. You are committed to them and the relationship. 5)Touch. sexual and nonsexual physical touch. It is most beneficial when a relationship contains all five of these. Without one you still have the other four to lean on as you work on what you are missing. However if your relationship is only built on touch what will happen when you get in a fight? You do not feel like touching because you are frustrated. You don't have knowledge or trust or anything else to keep your relationship together. When you and your spouse bond in all five of theses way you have the best recipe for a romantic relationship and successful marriage.

History of Marriage

In the Middle Ages marriages were not formed by love but by political and economic gain, usually through arrangement of parents. The phrase "Madly in love" was a literal term. People believed you were mad if you felt love towards your spouse. Gradually over the years men and women have been given more freedom to choose who they marry, and therefore changed the reasons for getting married. Personal interest and satisfaction has grown to be very important in marriage. I agree romantic love is very important in marriage, but have people taken in it too far? John Gray said, "We demand and deserve lasting happiness, intimacy and passion with a single partner. If we don't get it, we are prepared to sacrifice the marriage; personal fulfillment is suddenly more important than the family unit. . . . Are we to turn back the clock and deny our own personal needs and suddenly make the family more important? In most cases, the solution is not divorce nor is it self-sacrifice. Instead, the answer lies in learning how to create relationships and marriages that support our personal fulfillment." (Fowers)

The TRUTH to Happiness in Marriages

"I have become convinced that the strength and the happiness of good marriages are both rooted in the partners' mutual commitment to the creation of a shared life. The best marriages are characterized by partnership. The spouses work together to create the kind of life that they see as worthwhile. In such a marriage, the happiness and love that we see are at least as much an outgrowth of the spouses' partnership as the origin of it. In our society, we do not usually think of happiness as something that follows from commitment and teamwork. We want to pursue it directly. But happiness is an emotion, and all emotions, by their nature, are fleeting. Letting our hopes rest primarily on feelings that come and go is a recipe for an unstable marriage." -- Blaine J. Fower Beyond the Myth of Marital Happiness This quote says so much! Both partners need to be committed to the relationship. You have to work together to create the married life you want. In your marriage you will experience many emotions and they all won't be happy, that does not mean you do not have a good marriage or that you can't get back to being happy. In fact you will be even more happy in love knowing that even through the hardship and tribulation you two are committed and can make through any circumstance or trial thrown at you!

My Family System from My Perspective

Have you ever noticed in your family how there are unspoken rules? Like when you know where your mom and dad hide the Christmas presents every year but you don't go looking at them because you learned that's just not what you are suppose to do. Each family has unspoken rules and each family has a system and each family member contributes differently to this system. There are also subsystems within your family system. I will compare my family system to a cheese burger. Subsystem 1: The top bun was Dad as he presided in our home and provided shelter for us! Mom was the bottom bun, she held the family together and provided support to all of us Subsystem 2: Stephen, Philip, and Jimmy are the meat patties. They are the 3 oldest and were always grouped together. They were a major help to mom and dad in taking care of the rest of us growing up. Subsystem 3: Dan, Tim, And Peter are the middle children and what comes in the middle of the sandwich??? Veggies! They are the tomato, onion, and pickles because they each add different perspective like the veggies add a different texture and flavor. They are also very good at fixing things whether its stuff around the house or technology, just like veggies are the fixings in a sandwich. Subsystem 4: Julie is the cheese because when she came along she was the only girl surrounded by boys and added a totally different vibe to the family system. She is the cheese to what use to be just a burger. She takes care of everyone and keeps everybody connected. Subsystem 5: Paul, John and Michael, are the sauces of the sandwich; mayo, ketchup, and mustard. They are funny, messy and full of their own flavor. Subsystem 6: Then there is me! I think I am the bacon. I come in last and added the best flavor to the sandwich and made everyone happy.