Boundaries

This is an often asked question, "what is okay for me to do or for me to hang out with once I get married?" This is a valid question that requires you and your husband to talk and agree about. I know many couples who join Facebook accounts. I think this is great way that really shows that you two are united and that you share everything together. My husband and I do not have joint accounts but he is not much of a Facebooker and I am not so much either any more but we share with each other all the time when we see something funny or someone commented this on my post. We still include each other in our posts and our messages. The only secret you should ever keep from your spouse is there surprise party or Christmas presents. Facebook is a great way to connect with others and how awesome is it that you can have your spouse be with you as you reconnect. If there is a reason you do not want to tell your spouse about the person you are messaging think to yourself why and would you want your spouse to do the same thing. There has been an increase in Facebook infidelities, when people reconnect with old crushes and boy/girlfriends and then leave their families. I am not saying you cannot have a friendly conversation with old friends, but if you do include your spouse in the conversation and be honest with your spouse. Tell them about the person, you history with them and then ask if they are comfortable. If an old guy friend started messaging me I would show my husband what he is saying and how i am responding. I have nothing to hide. It is best to avoid the temptation and conflict completely, this is why I can see joint Facebook accounts being so nice. Right when you get married you are saying everything I do my spouse knows about it. This is not about a lack of trust, as much as my husband may trusts me he does not trust the guy messaging me and he does not know what his intentions may be. In situations where you do have a close friend that is the opposite sex you must remember your spouse should be your BESTEST friend. To those single people who are worried about losing their best friend when they get married, do not think of it as losing a friend but gaining a new one! Your spouse should be the person you confide in and never talk negatively about him to any of your girl or guy friends, or mothers. Lady's, I don't know aout you but I know I would tell my mom everything. She was the person I could talk to about anything, relationships, school, religion. And I still talk to my mom about so much stuff, but I do not talk to her about marital conflict. I know my mom would always pick my side and I never want her to have a reason to feel negative towards my husband. Often times we tend to talk only about what is troubling, we rarely call back and tell them the solution and how super in love we are with our husband. Something I really appreciated from my mother in law was that she told us to never come to her about an argument. We are both her children now and she will not pick sides. What is troubling you two is up to you two to fix. This helps us work and problem solve together and figure things out as a couple. Each marriage is unique and going to other couples will not always benefit your marriage, what works for one may not work for the other. You two are in this thing together and communicating and being honest with each other will help you make and stay within your boundaries.

Lets talk about sex

I know this is a topic most people find awkward, or gross, or dirty but it shouldn't be. Yes sex is intimate and sacred, that does not mean it should be a secret or a bad thing. It is a beautiful and holy act that many people may not know much about. I will begin with saying men and women are different, although they both must go through the 4 phases of sex to be fulfilled. Those phases are excitement, plateau, orgasm(climax) and resolution. Men go through these phases faster than women, that does not mean it is more pleasing to men than women. Women enjoy sex just as much as men, sometimes more, crazy right?!?! Women need to warm up and kind of get into their sexy character, you must remember women take on many roles during a day, the mother, the good house wife, the soccer mom, and the sexy bride. Men listen to your wife as she talks about the day, this is how she rids of all the stress and worries from all the roles she had played throughout the day. She cannot jump right into it like you men, our brains are thinking about so many things at once, whereas men are much better at focusing at one thing at a time. Also men take note first, in order for women to enjoy sex she must feel safe and loved. Let me tell you about the love cycle. I will begin with women. Women need to feel loved before they can enjoy sex. How does she feel loved, well each women is different and has a different love language. I recommend taking the 5 love language quiz in order to figure out your and your partner's love language. An examples is quality time. Listen to her and spend time with her in order to bond and know each other. Another example is service. Doing the dishes or folding the laundry can really go along way. Once a women's love tank is full she will be willing to express her love for you by having sex. When men have sex they feel loved and then will want to return showing love by doing things for her. It is a beautiful cycle of showing and feeling love. See, this sex talk wasn't so bad. I think people stress too much on the actual act when really we should be focusing on what leads to the act and how it can be more fulfilling. Sex was not only meant for making babies, but also to express love for each other. Sex is a great tool to unite a husband and wife and help them become as ONE!