Divorce

Many parents may see divorce as an easy out, but divorce is a big deal for children. To children it is a violent ripping a part of a family, and the lack of stability is frightening. If a child’s parents’ marriage could not last, how will their future marriage ever last? Children whose parents divorce often lose all faith in a having a marriage that is full of love and that can last a lifetime. When looking for a future spouse these children do not feel comfortable asking parents for advice since their marriage obviously did not last. Or when a problem arises within their marriage these children of divorced parents tend to follow the example of their parents and also get a divorce. These are the reasons why children whose parents divorced are more likely to go through a divorce themselves than children whose parents have been together their whole life. Parents who are aware of the negative impact divorce has on children can be more determined to work on their marriage and solve their problems for their children’s sake. Nelson Mandela said, “Children are our greatest treasure. They are the future.” (Mandela). Children will grow up to be future leaders and will contribute to society. In order for society to improve and for the country to stay strong and powerful all depend on what the future generation does when it is in charge. The best way to raise a child who will grow up to make a great impact on society is for that child to be raised by a father and a mother in love and uprightness. The high divorce rate will leave children with emotional problems, and they will in turn affect society because these children will be the ones left to run the country. Does society want to leave the country in the hands of these injured beings? Society needs leaders and citizens who have courage, intelligence, honesty and many other honorable character traits. Divorce effects children who then affect society.

Parenting

I believe the perfect parent is God. All parents should follow His example in scriptures and follow His pattern. One examples is, God knows us by name, He knows and understands, and listens to us. We as parents need to also build a relationship with our children and listen to them so that we can better work with them to solve conflict. Another example is that God has unconditional love for us and is always there, He never pushes us away, rather we remove ourselves from His presence. We will always be our children's parent and we will always be there for them, but that does mean we can go where they are going if they choose the wrong path to follow. The first step to parenting is personal way of being, if we are good citizens and are loving and striving to be like God that is the number one way to get your child to grow up righteous too. Example is the most powerful way we can influence our children and others. I love this quote by President Thomas S. Monson "To you who are parents, I say, show love to your children. You know you love them, but make certain they know it as well. They are so precious. Let them know. Call upon Heavenly Father for help as you care for their needs each day as you deal with challenges which inevitably come with parenthood. You need more than your own wisdom in rearing them." When we have unconditional love for our children and they know that we do we are already becoming better parents.

5 steps to Problem Sloving

1)Soften your start up. 2)Learn to make and receive repair attempts. 3) Soothe yourself and each other. 4) Compromise. 5) Process any grievances so that they don't linger. When settling disagreements it is important to be open to the other person's point of view and to really listen and understand them. This leads to having a productive conversations rather than a yelling match.

Marital Agency

"When choosing a long-term partner...you will inevitably be choosing a particular set of unsolvable problems that you'll be grappling with for the next ten, twenty, or fifty years." Dan Wile. This is what I hear my sister say to me often. When I was getting married she told me I am choosing to marry this imperfect person and at this time of my life and therefore I am choosing all the complications and trials that will come with it. And as we make decisions every day we are therefore choosing their consequences. That means we can also choose how to respond and cope with the consequences and problems we chose.

PORNOGRAPHY FACTS

1) Porn is like a cancer 2) Porn ravages a couples relationship the way a cancer ravages the body (Chamberlain & Steurer, 2011) 3) When he/she goes to porn, he's/she's not going to her/him. 4) Addiction often results from un-managed emotions and relationship pain. 5) Porn acts as a counterfeit for emotional soothing/bonding. 6) Releases dopamine and gives a high but it is temporary-- brain is elastic--needs more--never enough 7) The more one seeks porn, the more isolated and distressed one becomes. 8) Men may want sex, but what they need is emotional closeness and support.

The FOUR Horsemen

These are the four horsemen that every couple needs to watch out for when they speak to each other. 1. Criticism. This is when you are negative about your partners character. You can fix this by showing gratitude and gently correcting. 2. Defensiveness. This is when you blame everything on your partner. You can fix this by taking responsibility and apologizing. 3. Contempt. This is when you have a sense of superiority over your partner. Instead you should be humble and remember you are both equal partners and build appreciation for each other. 3. Stonewalling. This is when you turn away and give your partner the silent treatment. You fix this by doing physiological self-soothing. When you get rid of the four horsemen in your language you can have better communication with your spouse.

Boundaries

This is an often asked question, "what is okay for me to do or for me to hang out with once I get married?" This is a valid question that requires you and your husband to talk and agree about. I know many couples who join Facebook accounts. I think this is great way that really shows that you two are united and that you share everything together. My husband and I do not have joint accounts but he is not much of a Facebooker and I am not so much either any more but we share with each other all the time when we see something funny or someone commented this on my post. We still include each other in our posts and our messages. The only secret you should ever keep from your spouse is there surprise party or Christmas presents. Facebook is a great way to connect with others and how awesome is it that you can have your spouse be with you as you reconnect. If there is a reason you do not want to tell your spouse about the person you are messaging think to yourself why and would you want your spouse to do the same thing. There has been an increase in Facebook infidelities, when people reconnect with old crushes and boy/girlfriends and then leave their families. I am not saying you cannot have a friendly conversation with old friends, but if you do include your spouse in the conversation and be honest with your spouse. Tell them about the person, you history with them and then ask if they are comfortable. If an old guy friend started messaging me I would show my husband what he is saying and how i am responding. I have nothing to hide. It is best to avoid the temptation and conflict completely, this is why I can see joint Facebook accounts being so nice. Right when you get married you are saying everything I do my spouse knows about it. This is not about a lack of trust, as much as my husband may trusts me he does not trust the guy messaging me and he does not know what his intentions may be. In situations where you do have a close friend that is the opposite sex you must remember your spouse should be your BESTEST friend. To those single people who are worried about losing their best friend when they get married, do not think of it as losing a friend but gaining a new one! Your spouse should be the person you confide in and never talk negatively about him to any of your girl or guy friends, or mothers. Lady's, I don't know aout you but I know I would tell my mom everything. She was the person I could talk to about anything, relationships, school, religion. And I still talk to my mom about so much stuff, but I do not talk to her about marital conflict. I know my mom would always pick my side and I never want her to have a reason to feel negative towards my husband. Often times we tend to talk only about what is troubling, we rarely call back and tell them the solution and how super in love we are with our husband. Something I really appreciated from my mother in law was that she told us to never come to her about an argument. We are both her children now and she will not pick sides. What is troubling you two is up to you two to fix. This helps us work and problem solve together and figure things out as a couple. Each marriage is unique and going to other couples will not always benefit your marriage, what works for one may not work for the other. You two are in this thing together and communicating and being honest with each other will help you make and stay within your boundaries.