Divorce

Many parents may see divorce as an easy out, but divorce is a big deal for children. To children it is a violent ripping a part of a family, and the lack of stability is frightening. If a child’s parents’ marriage could not last, how will their future marriage ever last? Children whose parents divorce often lose all faith in a having a marriage that is full of love and that can last a lifetime. When looking for a future spouse these children do not feel comfortable asking parents for advice since their marriage obviously did not last. Or when a problem arises within their marriage these children of divorced parents tend to follow the example of their parents and also get a divorce. These are the reasons why children whose parents divorced are more likely to go through a divorce themselves than children whose parents have been together their whole life. Parents who are aware of the negative impact divorce has on children can be more determined to work on their marriage and solve their problems for their children’s sake. Nelson Mandela said, “Children are our greatest treasure. They are the future.” (Mandela). Children will grow up to be future leaders and will contribute to society. In order for society to improve and for the country to stay strong and powerful all depend on what the future generation does when it is in charge. The best way to raise a child who will grow up to make a great impact on society is for that child to be raised by a father and a mother in love and uprightness. The high divorce rate will leave children with emotional problems, and they will in turn affect society because these children will be the ones left to run the country. Does society want to leave the country in the hands of these injured beings? Society needs leaders and citizens who have courage, intelligence, honesty and many other honorable character traits. Divorce effects children who then affect society.

Parenting

I believe the perfect parent is God. All parents should follow His example in scriptures and follow His pattern. One examples is, God knows us by name, He knows and understands, and listens to us. We as parents need to also build a relationship with our children and listen to them so that we can better work with them to solve conflict. Another example is that God has unconditional love for us and is always there, He never pushes us away, rather we remove ourselves from His presence. We will always be our children's parent and we will always be there for them, but that does mean we can go where they are going if they choose the wrong path to follow. The first step to parenting is personal way of being, if we are good citizens and are loving and striving to be like God that is the number one way to get your child to grow up righteous too. Example is the most powerful way we can influence our children and others. I love this quote by President Thomas S. Monson "To you who are parents, I say, show love to your children. You know you love them, but make certain they know it as well. They are so precious. Let them know. Call upon Heavenly Father for help as you care for their needs each day as you deal with challenges which inevitably come with parenthood. You need more than your own wisdom in rearing them." When we have unconditional love for our children and they know that we do we are already becoming better parents.

5 steps to Problem Sloving

1)Soften your start up. 2)Learn to make and receive repair attempts. 3) Soothe yourself and each other. 4) Compromise. 5) Process any grievances so that they don't linger. When settling disagreements it is important to be open to the other person's point of view and to really listen and understand them. This leads to having a productive conversations rather than a yelling match.

Marital Agency

"When choosing a long-term partner...you will inevitably be choosing a particular set of unsolvable problems that you'll be grappling with for the next ten, twenty, or fifty years." Dan Wile. This is what I hear my sister say to me often. When I was getting married she told me I am choosing to marry this imperfect person and at this time of my life and therefore I am choosing all the complications and trials that will come with it. And as we make decisions every day we are therefore choosing their consequences. That means we can also choose how to respond and cope with the consequences and problems we chose.

PORNOGRAPHY FACTS

1) Porn is like a cancer 2) Porn ravages a couples relationship the way a cancer ravages the body (Chamberlain & Steurer, 2011) 3) When he/she goes to porn, he's/she's not going to her/him. 4) Addiction often results from un-managed emotions and relationship pain. 5) Porn acts as a counterfeit for emotional soothing/bonding. 6) Releases dopamine and gives a high but it is temporary-- brain is elastic--needs more--never enough 7) The more one seeks porn, the more isolated and distressed one becomes. 8) Men may want sex, but what they need is emotional closeness and support.

The FOUR Horsemen

These are the four horsemen that every couple needs to watch out for when they speak to each other. 1. Criticism. This is when you are negative about your partners character. You can fix this by showing gratitude and gently correcting. 2. Defensiveness. This is when you blame everything on your partner. You can fix this by taking responsibility and apologizing. 3. Contempt. This is when you have a sense of superiority over your partner. Instead you should be humble and remember you are both equal partners and build appreciation for each other. 3. Stonewalling. This is when you turn away and give your partner the silent treatment. You fix this by doing physiological self-soothing. When you get rid of the four horsemen in your language you can have better communication with your spouse.